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The Single Girls guide to Men… As Show Horses!

By now you should know that we are a little bit eccentric. Many, many moons ago, before we got marched up the aisle and had mortgages, our favourite pass time was categorising men into show types. Yes, I know, it’s bad. We won’t apologise for it though.

The Show Hack:
Ladies, beware. Whilst they appear on the outside to be too good to be true, these types are flighty and ridiculously vain. He’s bound to take twice as long as you to get ready and prance around trying to get the attention of any other ladies (or men) If you’re looking for drama, drama, drama, he’s your guy. He’s well dressed, beautifully groomed, always tanned and will smell delicious. He’s also on the fine side – not ideal for leading hay in and carrying horse feed.

TT Verdict: Not recommended for long term, horsey boyfriend material.

Cobs:
Always with a shaved head. If he has hair, please see Small Hunters. He’s 5ft5 and built like a brick out house. Most likely found in the gym lifting 200kg with one finger. He’s not graceful, he won’t buy you flowers and he certainly won’t remember your anniversary but he’s pretty rock steady and ideal for the older lady whose looking for a no frills, steadier ride…

TT Verdict: Perfect for the fun-loving lady, who will love watching Rugby in the pub.

Working Hunters:

He’s maybe a bit average to look at but eager to please. Not easily spooked and pretty reliable under most circumstances. He’s strong, workmanlike and has the odd blemish but he’s tough, knows his job and will always look after you. Not adverse to getting his hands dirty, but scrubs up well when push comes to shove.

TT Verdict: Perfect horsey boyfriend material.

Show hunters:

Much like the working hunter, the show hunter is hard working and generally quite reliable but he may not be as tough as he would have you believe. He’s possibly prone to some exaggeration and is actually very sensitive deep down. He probably cries sometimes when he’s on his own, but he won’t make a scene and is no doubt pretty dependable. He too will be found in the gym… He’s the guy the show cob wants to be. Tall, muscular, well built and confident, on the outside at least. Show hunters are generally over 6ft, anything less than this is considered a small hunter.

TT Verdict: Our second choice, after a worker type.

Riding horses:

The best of all worlds. These guys will be romantic, affectionate, and generous. They will be fairly level headed until you wind him up, then step away and leave him to cool down. He’s handsome without being gorgeous, he’s confident without being arrogant and your mum will love him. Likely to spend quite a lot of time off work sick, but when he’s at work he tries to please.

TT Verdict: Scrubs up well and will always give a beautiful ride.

Mountain and Moorland:

Better hair than you and probably adverse to washing, these guys will probably be taking a gap year. They will be hardy, cheeky, spontaneous, and happy to rough it. More suited to the younger lady who enjoys his free spirit and no worries attitude. He is partial to a good protest every now and then – often protesting for the sake of it about something that doesn’t really concern him.

TT Verdict: Not ready to settle down yet, he’s completely at one with nature and is happy sat under a tree, whatever the weather, writing music and smoking something dubious…

RoS – Retraining of Squaddie:

These types of men are used to the strict routine of military life, and they can be difficult to retrain for life in civvy street. He will have seen everything there is to see in life but this may make him jumpy and unpredictable. Some will be able to do any job – he is, after all fit, ready and multi skilled. It’s just whether he wants to…He might well be used to lots of different partners and while some will relish one to one, some just can’t hack normal life.

TT Verdict: Retraining a squaddie is not for the faint hearted, but the rewards can be huge, if you have the patience and resilience to put up with the inevitable setbacks you will encounter.

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